Coping With Stress

Linda Kreger Silverman, Ph.D.
Gifted Development Center
Denver, Colorado 

"Don't worry; be happy" has become a code for living in the '80s. However, this philosophy doesn't work for everybody. Some people are born worriers. They're very good at worrying, and, after all, somebody's got to do it - otherwise who would see to it that things got done properly? "Don't worry; be happy" works well for people who don't set high goals for themselves. But the higher your goals, the more likely you are to become a worry-wart.

Some amount of worrying is natural for the gifted. When does worrying become a problem? When it becomes a way of life with no breaks- a generalized state of anxiety. When it interferes with sleep or school or work or relationships. When it turns into stress-related illnesses. When it undermines self-confidence and self-esteem. When it leads to avoidance of challenges. If you worry but do it anyway, if you experience peace, trust and joy much of the time, if you like yourself and are happy with life, don't worry about worrying.

Stress can be magnified in the gifted because they experience everything so intensely. In his dissertation, Rogers (1981) found that gifted children react more intensely than average children to frustration and criticism. They also have a greater amount of awareness: awareness of the state of the world and its dangers; awareness of the complexities of problems; recognition of injustices and incongruities; and awareness of their own helplessness (Roeper, 1982).

Annemarie Roeper (1982) reminds us that stress can be a positive force under the right conditions. "The first and most important way in which we can help the child is to give him the strength to cope with stress" (p. 5). We cannot create a stress-free world nor can we wrap up our children in cotton batting to protect them. Instead, we need to help them face each stressor in their lives with the conviction that they can handle it. This does not mean letting them face their problems all by themselves; it means consoling them, validating their perceptions, discussing alternatives, supporting their courage, and gently reminding them that you believe in their strength.

Helping Children Cope With Stress

• Allow the child to express his or her feelings.
• Offer consolidation and tenderness (shoulder and neck rubs help a lot!)
• Breathe deeply and encourage him or her to breathe with you.
• Go for a walk together and let the child talk it out.
• Validate the child's perceptions of the situation.
• Say something like, "Let's see if we can make this better."
• Brainstorm together some alternatives for dealing with the situation. (Make some of them silly.)
• Ask the child to choose one alternative to try.
• Encourage the child to follow-through.
• Ask if the plan worked. (If not, make a new plan.)
• For generalized stress, do relaxation exercises together, play soft music at bedtime, visualize peaceful scenes, read or play a quiet game, see a funny video, do massage.
• Brainstorm ways to cope with stress in the family or in the classroom. Make a pack to support each other.
• If stress seems out of control, consult a therapist.

 REFERENCES 

Rogers, M.T. (1986). A comparative study of developmental traits of gifted and average youngsters. Unpublished doctoral dissertation, University of Denver, Denver, CO.

Roeper, A. (1982, Oct). Stress can be a positive force in gifted children. Presented at the First Annual Conference of the Atlantic Association for Gifted and Talented Children. Fredericton, New Brunswick.

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Ultima modificacion: 07 de marzo de 2000